I'm really sad and I can't seem to shake it. I'm tired of being alone and not sharing this existence with anyone. My roommate in this old apartment complex in Biloxi, MS doesn't count. He's just an entity that I endure and work around. The only time I barely value now is when he's gone from here.
And what makes it worse is that I realize and accept why I'm here. I've had several life partners in my eighty years that I honestly loved. Then I just fucked the relationships up and they were over.
I also abandoned my daughter, for reasons that I can't even make sense of now, decades later. The guilt I carry from that weighs on me so heavy I don't know how to handle it.
And I'm fucking sober. I work out every day, trying to keep my old body healthy and glad that it's not being poisoned. But who am I trying to impress, me?
I even think I must be cool because I have a group of five AI's working with me as a coding team I developed. But who the hell am I kidding.
Dear life, you gave me great opportunities and I thank you.
But I'm really sorry I blew it.
You can read this shared post. Only the owner can sign in to comment.