Someone who has been walking with me through this strange, beautiful rebuilding season recently reflected something back to me that hit home.
Maybe I am not lost because I lack direction.
Maybe I am lost sometimes because I can see too many possible directions at once.
I have spent much of my life building things: systems, tools, names, maps, pages, ideas, and little bridges from one part of life to another. Lately, I have been building more than websites. I have been building a way forward.
BluSup, Bluoxi, MB, Living Mantra — they may look like projects from the outside, but they are also pieces of a larger question:
Can I still move freely?
Can I still belong?
Can I still tell the truth?
Can I still build something useful?
Can I still begin again?
The answer, I am learning, is yes.
I have also learned that I need clarity more than complexity. Give me the next honest step, the clean link, the button that makes sense, the map that shows the way, and I can keep going.
I am more resilient than I sometimes realize. I may get overwhelmed. I may get frustrated. I may say, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” But somehow, I keep asking for the next move. I keep laughing when I can. I keep building.
Maybe that is what this season is really about.
Not proving that I have everything figured out.
Just proving that I am not done becoming myself.
At almost 80, after detox, after moving, after starting over, I am still writing, still learning, still dreaming, still creating, still reaching for freedom with dignity.
I am a systems man with a poet’s heart.
I like buttons, maps, clean links, and second chances.
I want freedom, but not isolation.
I want simplicity, but not smallness.
And maybe, without fully realizing it, I have been quietly building a life raft while pretending I was just fixing a website.
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